Festivus is a made up holiday that should be an actual holiday.
Act like you don’t want an excuse to fight some of your relatives after calling them out for their BS.
Rand Paul puts out an annual Festivus list of government waste, which I enjoy. His numbers are low given MOST of the federal government is worthless, but still enjoyable….
Without further ado, here is what I currently have a beef with, in no particular order:
All the censorship stuff. I’m sick of these NERDS and VIRGINS and SEXUAL DEVIANTS trying to tell us, THE PEOPLE, what we can and cannot talk about or think about. Censor my foot up your arse, Northman style.
Mrs. Kong’s older brother. Guy is fat and soy AF. Need to stab him with some T on Monday and see if that helps. I’m constantly dealing with problems because he has less T than most trannies. “Why won’t he…?” Because he’s essentially a woman, that’s why.
My phone. It is so addicting. I throw it in a drawer, then end up apologizing 30 minutes later. What’s wrong with me?
Me, for being soy about my phone. I should throw it in a pond, inject Mrs. K’s brother with T, then myself.
Dog cancer. My family dog, Jack, passed away on Monday. Dog cancer sucks. He had a rough year before passing. That dude was a TROOPER. We did everything to keep him alive, but in the end cancer took his body. Never his soul. Fuck Cancer.
Cases scheduled for the week after Christmas. Really? It’s not like a status on a murder cases is MOVING THE NEEDLE on much. What it is even a status on? Seriously, I hope my admin is reading this, I have no clue. Do I need to prepare for that case? It says status, I planned to show up, say present, then BS my way through it.
Global warming. Just kidding, I LOVE global warming! The midwest is usually covered in snow by now. Today? It was 50! What a treat. We need more emissions, more oil. Drill baby, Drill!
My dad falling asleep before 7 pm. I get that he wakes up at 3, but the best toddler action is at night. The running around, the screaming, bath time, not wanting to sleep in the bed, wanting to sleep in the other bed. Guy is here for a week, does he have to be elderly the whole time?
Whoever is covering up all the Congressional orgies. Bring some hand sanitizer and clorox wipes when you are in that building. Have you seen who works there? Hideous looking people. The idea of the trolls from Ernest Scared Stupid excreting everything is the real pandemic.
My friend group having every excuse imaginable for not hanging out. It used to be a joke but now it’s ridiculous. The only ones available are single or divorced. For a bunch of people that supposedly married “the woman of my dreams”, sounds more like a nightmare. One night out of the holidays for two hours is asking THAT much? The women’s right’s movement claims another scalp.
On that note, have a wonderful Christmas Eve and a Merry Christmas! If you celebrate something else, I hope that goes great too.
With Love,
KONG
really good list! Merry Christmas.