Lessons learned two weeks into Better Call Kong

The good, the bad, the...you need to call the police

king kong, in a blue suit, wearing a red tie, on a skateboard, the skateboard is blue, going down a waterfall

“But I’m just a single mom”

Normally those words would be accompanied by a man unzippping his pants while strange music begins playing in the background.

Not this time.

The single mom line was used on me by a prospective client after I whipped out my…retainer and fee. Because porn is not real life, and I was on the phone, not next to a random secluded Mesa, AZ pool, the next thing that happened was she said she had to think about it.

I never heard back.

Did I quote her too high? Did I do the sales stuff wrong? Should I have whipped out my penis out anyways given I was alone at my condo and why should I be wearing clothes anyways?

This is Better Call Kong

My two week descent into the madness known as criminal defense work has went as well as I could have expected. Here are a few of the highlights:

Bad

1. Having a mail carrier threaten me with a federal crime. I’m in the midwest and it was snowy and cold, so instead of putting my flyers OUTSIDE the mailbox, or just walking up to someone’s door, I lazily put them IN the mailboxes.

Whoops.

Within MINUTES, I had a call from the local post office saying, not only did they take all my flyers (ink is expensive, thanks Biden), but, if I did it again, they’d sick the Feds (aka the Postal something or whatnot) on me.

Naturally, I called back and said there was a “miscommunication” and it won’t happen again. What was that miscommunication? He did not ask and I’m not even sure what I would have said, but either way, the guy was nice. He said thanks for calling, normally people like the asphalt guys do not.

He then went on a five minute rant about how he doesn’t like the asphalt guys because they never listen to him and he always has to involve the feds. But once he does…THEY LISTEN.

Anyways, I’m almost out of ink so flyers will be back, just not right now, and not in mailboxes.