I miss Celebrity Deathmatch. It was everything great about America - clay animation characters saying un-PC things and then murdering each other. The fact that it even existed is reason to smile.
Mills Lane demanding a ham sandwich, a foot literally up Jim Carrey’s ass, and the standard blood and guts going into the crowd. How this has not been re-booted, I have no idea. In fact, I might have to do some copyright digging after this substack.
The Gavin Newsom - Larry Elder recall is turning into a modern day Celebrity Deathmatch. Newsom and his media cronies calling Elder a ‘Black White Supremacist’, with Elder being the second recorded in history.
(LINK is NSFW but why are you even in an office? NGMI)
A Larry Elder Halloween Costume?!?
Meanwhile, Elder and Rose McGowan took to the podium yesterday to call out Newsom’s wife for trying to silence her during the Harvey Weinstein scandal. We need Rose alive, she’s a national treasure. This was days after a white woman in a Gorilla mask threw an egg at Larry Elder. Given how out of shape the woman looked, her unathletic throw was bound to miss the mark.
All of this is to say The gloves are OFF! Let’s look at the tale of the tape through a public speaking and comedy lens.
Gavin Newsom
I originally wrote a whole paragraph of analogies explaining why Newsom sucks as a human. Watch the below instead.
He’s a loser politician who has no solutions but memorized a bunch of talking points. I debate whether a guy like that in power means we failed as a society OR means everyone who is actually smart is making money, in crypto, or writing this substack. Hard to tell.
On the bright side of the above, Newsom’s ability to stay on point is impressive. He stays robotic, repeating his talking points. Carolla has him and yet Newsom is unflappable. Just ‘yes I agree, help minorities, many people have issues, yes those two groups especially, no I won’t discuss why because that would solve a problem and render someone like me obsolete.” Newsom is Patrick Bateman with more hair gel and less obsession with detail:
Am I saying Gavin Newsom could murder someone and not care? Depends on your definition of not care.
Newsom has decent speaker qualities, racist comments aside. Here he is at a recent rally.
The Good: Watch his gestures. Notice the exaggerated arm movements, keeping his arms apart. He moves well, looks somewhat athletic. His cadence is dependable, with some vocal variety; solid rhythm. His body movements matched well when talking about Elder’s stance on tobacco. He knows where he is going and gets to his points. Good pronunciation. Body language is also very positive.
I am torn on his left dominant gesture. On the one hand, I like the movement. On the other hand, well, he’s not using the other hand much except to do some podium touching. Call it a wash. Tip to take away - come up with your own style and stick with it. Newsom has a style and sticks with it.
Side note - hilarious watching him rip through about ten issues in two minutes. Those people look so NGMI it is not even funny. Actually, it is funny. He went so fast and about complex issues that there was nothing to laugh or clap for. That’s bad. Speaking of…
The meh and the bad: Not much on the comedy front, mostly because the best comedy comes from calling it as it is, not what gets you votes. Notice how little he gets laughs (zero) or applause (kind of once for ‘taking back the USA or whatever, and another time for beating Trump). Comedians need to average a laugh every 18-20 seconds. I would expect a boring politician like Newsom to be able to get at least a clap every 40 seconds. He jumps off the page as fake, will do anything for a vote. Heck, he was literally handing out money for vaccines a few weeks ago so that’s not far off. He is inauthentic. The ironic part - I bet he is somewhat normal and probably fun given he breaks his own rules (FRENCH LAUNDRY) and exchanges hair care tips with Don Jr. Back to bad - fake Smiles like a Bond villain.
Alas, he is a MEH speaker to watch. Do you see how low the bar is? He rambles on about assault weapons bans and tobacco. Meanwhile, San Francisco is testing out The Purge and the Forest fires are creating a Bird Box-like scenario for those venturing outside. At least be funny, charismatic, or tell everyone you could sell out Madison Square Garden by masturbating. Nothing. Just nothing.
Larry Elder
Larry Elder is the Republican frontrunner for Governor if Newsom is recalled. Because I enjoy PAIN, I watched more video of Newsom than I did Elder. However, as a trained speaking expert it only took me moments to pick up on the good, bad, and comical which is Larry Elder.
The Good: solid flow. Attempted to do an impression of Doc Rivers, which, regardless or whether it is accurate, will be funny. Pro tip - doing an off impression is almost as good as a perfect one. Unless you are Dana Carvey, just let it rip.
Positive body language; guy knows his content. This was a stump speech before he was even running. He comes off as more authentic to me due to his story telling, whether about Crips High School or his father. In Newson’s defense, I only watched hours worth of videos, I am sure at some point he had stories too.
The best part for Elder comes around the 8:15 mark, when describing his high school.
WHAT?!? This part cracked me up. First, Ice-T! Second, it is a WHAT moment. You WANTED to go to a CRIPS SCHOOL? It is the perfect reaction. Finally - Elder says what is one of the craziest thing most of us have ever heard, makes this fun, exaggerated gesture…
Then moves right on. WHAT? You tell us about a conversation with Ice-T about him wanting to go to an ALL CRIPS HIGH SCHOOL and leave us hanging?
The meh and the bad: Not great on the gestures. Keeps putting his hand in his left pocket. NEVER put your hands in your pockets. An old military buddy said it made you look like you had nothing to do. Hands out of pockets!
Elder is on a small podium/stage thing. It looks bizarre. Was it supposed to be higher or was a vertically challenged person the first speaker? He does not have room to move around or do much of anything.
Larry has the same issue Newsom does - not many big applauses or laughs. His Ice-T story even fell a bit flat with the crowd. I think both of them need sharper, less polician-y material. There once was an orange man who did this well.
Conclusion:
Both have unique styles, and different styles make great fights. Use the above to become better speaking than both of these candidates. Sadly, I do not think the bar is super high. I favor Elder due to the authenticity I felt in his story and statistics. Who would be more fun to rip Tequila with? Probably going Newsom…because he knows the backdoor way to get into Pelosi’s wine cellar.
No one knows if Californians want to go outside without masks or have less fights with the homeless, but one thing is for certain - the votes will not all be counted by the end of tomorrow. This has been entertaining, and if Elder loses, a rematch in a few months would be fun to watch.
Whose speaking style to do like best?