Arraignment Dos and do nots

NGMI level- sloptarts get strong sentences

Dressing up like Lizzo and talking like Ol’ Dirty Bastard is par the course today for courthouses.

Men and women of all nationalities, races, and jurisdictions come to court looking and acting like they are trying out for a rap video. I’m all about the hip and the hop but not when a judge asks how you plead. The below are a few tips for doing well at arraignment:

DO: know what an arraignment is! An arraignment is the start of in court proceedings. Someone has either been arrested or given a notice to come to court. If you were arrested, government will ask for a bond amount or no bond if you are naughty/murdered someone. The judge will tell you what you are accused of as well as your rights (to be silent, have an attorney, etc.)

DO: wait to hire an attorney. Most of the best attorneys I’ve went against were public defenders; they are in court all day, usually in front of the judge you’ll be in front of, and if a serious offense will be seasoned enough to know how fucked you are. They are usually friendly with prosecutors and will get you a solid deal.

DO NOT: lie on the application to get a public defender. If you are homeless on a beach, you should be fine. If you drive a Lambo to the courthouse THEN ask for a PD…NGMI. Yes this happens.

DO: know that no one checks the pd application unless…you drove to court in a LAMBO.

DO NOT: dress like you sell drugs for an Irish cartel. Wear a shirt with a collar, toss a jacket on if you have it. This is more for those not in a jumpsuit & shackles, but look presentable. This applies for zoom court too. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve heard a Judge tell someone to get out of bed or “maam, your breasts are exposed.” Worst part is they’re never the titties you want to see.

DO: plead not guilty and keep your mouth shut. “Judge, I did it, can I go home now?” will NOT get you home more quickly. In fact, you may end up in mental health examination land. The dumbest thing defendants do is talk. Stop talking!

That’s the dos and do nots NGMI level of an arraignment. I’m a former defense attorney and current prosecutor…or maybe the other way around. Either way, thank you for reading 🙏.